Structure is a major component of what helps a child with ADHD thrive. This can be tough to navigate over the holidays. When dealing with holiday travel and traffic, delayed flights, spending time at a relative’s home, having tons of company over and more, it can be tough to navigate the unpredictability with our kiddos who tend to have a stress response in these scenarios.
Let’s delve into the reasons our children may have a hard time on the holidays for better understanding and explore some tips to help keep us in the calm place we yearn to be in. They struggle with transitions, they become easily overstimulated, emotional regulation is a challenge, time management is difficult, inhibitory control is tough, some family members may not understand their needs, other kids in the family may have triggering behaviors, there could be food they don’t like and routine is off.
There’s a multitude of reasons this can be a difficult time to navigate and fight or flight is on! There are so many ways to support this and make this a joyous and relaxing time for your family. And we would love to help! Here are some tips and suggestions to guide you into the holidays with the tools you’ll need.
First and foremost, I would like to address the peanut gallery. The who? The what? You know exactly who I am talking about. This is one of the things that stress us and our children out the most, and as we all know, stressed parents = stressed kids! The peanut gallery is the family members and friends who know very little about ADHD or your child, yet they seem to believe they have expertise on the matter.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think they intend to pose any harm or inflict any stress. Quite frankly, their efforts most likely are meant for the opposite outcome. They want to help. But telling you how to parent your child, what they think your child needs, or how to handle the challenges your child may face that day may not be so helpful. Trust yourself. You are their expert on your child and what they need.
Trusting your instincts and honoring that when faced with advice from others that does not feel quite right may reduce a lot of stress for you and your child. Sometimes family and friends have helpful advice or suggestions as well. It’s important to learn the difference and to be able to advocate for yourself and your child when what they suggest is not the right fit. Set off for the holidays with a plan. This will empower you to know what your child needs should an issue arise.
Here are some suggestions:
Holiday Tips for Children with ADHD
- Stick to a Routine: While holidays disrupt the usual schedule, try to maintain consistent meal times, bedtimes, and downtime to help your child feel grounded.
- Prepare Them for Changes: Talk about the holiday plans in advance. Use a visual schedule or checklist to outline activities and transitions. They have a hard time “seeing” time, so mapping out a plan eases a lot of stress around uncertainty.
- Provide Clear Expectations: Explain what behaviors are expected during gatherings, meals, or other holiday activities. Keep instructions simple and specific. Encourage them to let you know when this becomes too difficult. Sometimes a code word to indicate they need guidance so they aren’t embarrassed is helpful.
- Create a Quiet Space: Designate a calm area where your child can retreat if they feel overwhelmed. Stock it with comforting items like books, fidget toys, or headphones. And allow it to happen. Even if this means they are missing something everyone is doing together.
- Limit Overstimulation: Be mindful of sensory triggers like loud music, flashing lights, or crowded spaces. Allow breaks from activities that may be too intense.
- Offer Choices: Give your child some control over their activities by offering choices (e.g., “Do you want to help decorate cookies or watch a holiday movie?”).
- Use Positive Reinforcement: Praise your child for good behavior and effort. Use a rewards system if it helps motivate them through the festivities. Be careful not to set unrealistic expectations they can’t meet so they aren’t feeling down when they can’t get the reward. Reward things as they happen instead of setting your child up for failure.
- Involve Them in Activities: Channel their energy by including them in holiday preparations, such as decorating, setting the table, or wrapping gifts.
- Plan Active Outlets: Schedule time for physical activities like playing outside, dancing, or a family walk to help them burn off energy.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Holidays can be chaotic, so don’t expect perfection. Be flexible and focus on enjoying the moment.
- Practice Mindfulness or Relaxation Techniques: Teach them simple strategies like deep breathing or a short meditation to manage stress or excitement.
- Monitor Sugar and Caffeine Intake: Be mindful of their diet, as too much sugar or caffeine can heighten hyperactivity.
- Prepare for Downtime: Pack a small bag with activities like puzzles, coloring books, or quiet games to keep them engaged during lulls or long waits.
- Encourage Social Skills in Small Doses: If large gatherings are overwhelming, help your child interact in smaller groups or with one or two familiar people at a time.
- Maintain Medication Schedule: If your child takes medication, ensure you stick to their regular dosing schedule, even during busy holiday days.
- Set Boundaries with Screen Time: Use screens as a tool for downtime but set limits to ensure it doesn’t disrupt sleep or other planned activities.
- Debrief Together: After each event, talk about what went well and what could be improved. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small.
- Take Care of Yourself: Remember, a calm and patient caregiver can make all the difference. Practice self-care so you can be your best for them.
- Be Realistic About Picky Eating If That’s An Issue: Holidays aren’t the time to “fix” picky eating habits. Focus on maintaining a positive experience and avoiding stress around food.
- Communicate with the Host: If eating will be a challenge, talk to the host in advance. Most people are understanding and happy to accommodate. Also, it may be helpful to make the host aware of any other things your child may need so you feel less stressed as things come up.
These strategies can help create a more enjoyable holiday experience for both you and your child!
Communicating with others around how you handle things and asking them to make space for that and be on board with you will reduce stress for all of you. And remember, as I always say, the most freeing technique to release the stress for yourself is acceptance. Fully immerse yourself in the reality of the challenges of the day and be ok with having to set these strategies up. It really is ok!
Enjoy your holidays! And remember we are here for support.
– Stacy Pellettieri, Owner/Director
– The ADHD Training Center Team